BigGameHoundsmen.com

1. TO AVOID CUTTING YOURSELF WHEN SLICING VEGETABLES, GET SOMEONE ELSE TO HOLD THE VEGETABLES WHILE YOU CHOP.

2. TO AVOID ARGUMENTS WITH THE FEMALES ABOUT LIFTING THE TOILET SEAT- USE THE SINK.

3. FOR HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE SUFFERERS ~ SIMPLY CUT YOURSELF AND BLEED FOR A FEW MINUTES, THUS REDUCING THE PRESSURE ON YOUR VEINS. [REMEMBER TO USE A TIMER.]

4. A MOUSE TRAP PLACED ON TOP OF YOUR ALARM CLOCK WILL PREVENT YOU FROM ROLLING OVER AND GOING BACK TO SLEEP AFTER YOU HIT THE SNOOZE BUTTON.

5. IF YOU HAVE A BAD COUGH, TAKE A LARGE DOSE OF LAXATIVES - YOU'LL BE AFRAID TO COUGH.

6. YOU ONLY NEED TWO TOOLS IN LIFE - WD-40 AND DUCT TAPE. IF IT DOESN'T MOVE AND SHOULD, USE THE WD-40. IF IT SHOULDN'T MOVE AND DOES, USE THE DUCT TAPE.

7. IF YOU CAN'T FIX IT WITH A HAMMER, YOU'VE GOT AN ELECTRICAL PROBLEM.

DAILY THOUGHT: SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKIES - NOT REALLY GOOD FOR ANYTHING, BUT THEY BRING A SMILE TO YOUR FACE WHEN YOU PUSH THEM DOWN THE STAIRS.

1) If you don't want to cut yourself while chopping vegetables, don't eat any vegetables.

2) To avoid arguments with hounds about peeing in their water bowl, take care of the matter out in the woods. At the very least, remember to flush.

3) To reduce high blood pressure, get a hound that isn't deer broke. You'll get so much exercise you won't need pills.

4) You don't need an alarm clock. Just feed your hounds before you go to work on a regular basis. They won't let you miss chow time.

5)If you loose a hound in the woods, take some laxatives. The hound will return as soon as you drop your drawers and make a stink.

6) You only need two tools in life--a good hound and a leash. If you want the problem to stop moving, unsnap the leash. If you want the hound to stop moving snap on the leash.

7) If you can't fix the problem by getting another hound, get a divorce.