not really a joke but kinda cute...
Posted: Fri Sep 26, 2008 5:48 pm
Excerpts from a Dog's Diary......
>
> 8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
> 9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
> 9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
> 10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
> 12:00 pm - Lunch! My favorite thing!
> 1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
> 3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
> 5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
> 7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
> 8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
> 11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!
>
> Excerpts from a Cat's Daily Diary. ..
>
> Day 983 of my captivity. . .
>
> My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.
> They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates
> and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt
> for the rations perfectly clear, I
> nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.
>
> The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to
> disgust them, I once again vomit on the
> carpet.
>
> Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had
> hoped this would strike fear into their
> hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they
> merely made condescending comments about what a 'good little hunter' I
> am. Bastards.
>
> There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in
> solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the
> noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power
> of 'allergies.' I must learn what this means and how to use it to my
> advantage.
>
> Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors
> by weaving around his feet as he was
> walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.
>
> I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog
> receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more
> than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.
>
> The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the
> guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have
> arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe.
> For now................
>
> 8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
> 9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
> 9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
> 10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
> 12:00 pm - Lunch! My favorite thing!
> 1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
> 3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
> 5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
> 7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
> 8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
> 11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!
>
> Excerpts from a Cat's Daily Diary. ..
>
> Day 983 of my captivity. . .
>
> My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.
> They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates
> and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt
> for the rations perfectly clear, I
> nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.
>
> The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to
> disgust them, I once again vomit on the
> carpet.
>
> Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had
> hoped this would strike fear into their
> hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they
> merely made condescending comments about what a 'good little hunter' I
> am. Bastards.
>
> There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in
> solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the
> noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power
> of 'allergies.' I must learn what this means and how to use it to my
> advantage.
>
> Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors
> by weaving around his feet as he was
> walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.
>
> I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog
> receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more
> than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.
>
> The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the
> guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have
> arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe.
> For now................
