meeting and couldn't find a parking place. Looking up to heaven he
said, "Lord take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go
to Mass every Sunday for the rest of me life and give up me Irish
Whiskey!"
Miraculously, a parking place appeared.
Paddy looked up again and said, "Never mind, I found one."
Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal, and asks the first man he
meets, "Do you want to go to heaven?"
And he said, "I do, Father."
The priest said, "Then stand over there against the wall."
Then the priest asked the second man, "Do you want to go to heaven?"
"Certainly, Father," the man replied.
"Then stand over there against the wall," said the priest.
Then Father Murphy walked up to O'Sky and asked, "Do you want to go to
heaven?"
O'Sky said, "No, I don't Father."
The priest said, "I don't believe this. You mean to tell me that when
you die you don't want to go to heaven?"
O' Sky said, "Oh, when I die, yes. I thought you were getting a group
together to go right now."
Paddy was in New York .
He was patiently waiting and watching the traffic cop on a busy street
crossing. The cop stopped the flow of traffic and shouted, "Okay,
pedestrians. " Then he'd allow the traffic to pass.
He'd done this several times, and Paddy still stood on the sidewalk.
After the cop had shouted, "Pedestrians! " for the tenth time, Paddy
went over to him and said, "Is it not about time ye let the Catholics
across?"
Gallagher opened the morning newspaper and was dumbfounded to read in
the obituary column that he had died. He quickly phoned his best
friend, Finney.
"Did you see the paper?" asked Gallagher. "They say I died!!"
"Yes, I saw it!" replied Finney. "Where are ye callin' from?"
An Irish priest is driving down to Vacaville and gets stopped for
speeding in Sacramento . The state trooper smells alcohol on the
priest's breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the
car.
He says, "Sir, have you been drinking?"
"Just water," says the priest.
The trooper says, "Then why do I smell wine?"
The priest looks at the bottle and says, "Good Lord! He's done it
again!"
Walking into the bar, Mike said to Charlie the bartender, "Pour me a
stiff one - just had another fight with the little woman."
"Oh yeah?" said Charlie , "And how did this one end?"
"When it was over," Mike replied, "She came to me on her hands and
knees, she did."
"Really!" said Charles, "Now that's a switch!
What did she say?"
She said, "Come out from under the bed, you wee chicken."
