Ole, Lena, and Lars...

[Balsam]

Time for some Scandinavian Humor....



Lena called the airlines information desk and inquired,
"How long does it take to fly from Minneapolis to Fargo ?"

"Just a minute," said the busy clerk.

"Vell, said Lena, "If it has to go dat fast, I tink I'll just take da bus.."



***

The judge had just awarded a divorce to Lena , who had charged
non-support. He said to Ole,
"I have decided to give your wife $400 a month for support."

"Vell, dat's fine, Judge," said Ole. "And vunce in a while I'll try to
chip in a few bucks, myself."



***

Lars asked Ole, "Do ya know da difference between a Norvegian and a canoe?"

"No, I don't," said Ole

"A canoe will sometimes tip," explained Lars.



***

Ole is so cheap that after his airplane landed safely he grumbled,
"Vell, dere gose five dollars down da drain for dat flight insurance!"



***

Lars: "Ole, stant in front of my car and tell me if da turn signals are
working."

Ole: "Yes, No, Yes, No, Yes, No, Yes, No...."



***

Ole died. So Lena went to the local paper to put a notice in the obituaries.
The gentleman at the counter, after offering his condolences, asked Lena
what she would like to say about Ole.

Lena replied, "You yust put 'Ole died."

The gentleman, somewhat perplexed, said, "That's it? Just 'Ole died'?
Surely, there must be something more you'd like to say about Ole.
If it's money you're concerned about, the first five words are free. We
must say something more."

So Lena pondered for a few minutes and finally said, "OK. You put 'Ole
died. Boat for sale.'"



***



Ole and Lars were on their very first train ride. They had brought along
bananas for lunch.
Just as they began to peel them, the train entered a long, dark tunnel.

"Have you eaten your banana yet," Ole asked excitedly?

"No," replied Lars..

"Vell, don't touch it den," Ole exclaimed. "I yust took vun bite and vent
blind!"



***

Ole bought Lena a piano for her birthday. A few weeks later, Lars inquired
how she was doing with it.

"Oh," said Ole, "I persuaded her to svitch to a clarinet.."

"How come," asked Lars?

"Vell," Ole answered, "because vith a clarinet she can't sing."



***

Ole and Lena went to the Olympics.

While sitting on a bench a lady turned to Ole and said, "Are you a pole
vaulter?"

Ole said, "No, I'm Norvegian and my name isn't Valter."



***

Ole was arrested one night while walking bare naked down the streets of
the little town of Elbow Lake, Minnesota .

The policeman, who was good friend of Ole's, said, "Ole...What in the
world are you doing?
Where are your clothes? You're naked."

"Yah, I know," said Ole. "You see, I vas over to dat 'playboy' Sven's for
his birthday party.
Dere vas about 28 of us. Der vas boys and girls."

"Is that right?", his policeman friend asked.

"Yah, Yah, anyvay, dat Sven, he says, 'Everybody get into the bedroom!' So
vee all go into the bedroom....
den he yells, 'Everybody git naked!' "Vel, vee all got undressed. Den he
yells, Everybody go to town!' "

"Oh, my!", exclaimed the policeman.

"Yah, Yah. I guess I'm the first one here".

[Big N' Blue]

lmao, GOOD ONES!