As I age, I've realized that:

[Big N' Blue]

1. I don't need anger management. I need people to stop pissing me off.

2. My people skills are just fine.
It's my tolerance of idiots that needs work.

3. The biggest lie I tell myself is, "I don't need to write that down.
I'll remember it."

4. I talk to myself because, sometimes, I need expert advice.

5. Sometimes I roll my eyes out loud.

6. When I was a child, I thought nap time was punishment.
Now, it's like a mini vacation.

7. The day the world runs out of wine is just too terrible to think about.

8. I like my middle finger best because it always sticks up for me!

9. Even duct tape can't fix stupid, but it can muffle the sound!

10. Wouldn't it be great if we could put ourselves in the dryer for ten
minutes and then come out wrinkle-free and three sizes smaller?

11. If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would've put them on my knees.

12. When the kids text me "plz" which is shorter than the word
"please", I text back "no" which is shorter than "yes".

13. At my age, "getting lucky" means walking into a room and
remembering what I came in there for.

14. Chocolate comes from cocoa which is a tree, which makes it a plant,
which means it's salad, almost.