Good idea!

[Big N' Blue]

A lady Canadian libertarian wrote a lot of letters to the government,
complaining about the treatment of captive insurgents (terrorists) being
held
in Afghanistan National Correctional System facilities. After sending
several hyper-critical missives, She received the following reply:

National Defense Headquarters
MGen George R. Pearkes Bldg, 15 NT
101 Colonel By Drive
Ottawa , ON K1A 0K2
Canada

Dear Concerned Citizen,

Thank you for your recent letter expressing your profound concern of
treatment of the Taliban and Al Qaeda terrorists captured by Canadian
Forces who
were subsequently transferred to the Afghanistan Government and are
currently being held by Afghan officials in Afghanistan National
Correctional
System facilities.

Our administration takes these matters seriously and your opinions were
heard loud and clear here in Ottawa .

You will be pleased to learn, thanks to the concerns of citizens like
yourself; we are creating a new 'ADOPT A TERRORIST' department here at
the
Department of National Defense, to be called 'Liberals Accept
Responsibility
for Killers' program, or 'L.A.R.K.' for short.

In accordance with the guidelines of this new program, we have decided
to
divert one terrorist and place him in your personal care. Your personal
detainee has been selected and is scheduled for transportation under
heavily
armed guard to your residence in Toronto next Monday.

Ali Mohammed Ahmed bin Mahmud (you can just call him Ahmed) is to be
cared for pursuant to the standards you personally demanded in your
letter of
complaint.

It will likely be necessary for you to hire some assistant caretakers .
We
will conduct weekly inspections to ensure that your standards of care for

Ahmed are commensurate with those you so strongly recommend in your
letter. Although Ahmed is a sociopath and extremely violent, we hope
that your
sensitivity to what you described as his 'attitudinal problem' will help
him overcome these character flaws. Perhaps you are correct in
describing
these problems as mere cultural differences. We understand that you plan
to
offer counseling and home schooling.

Your adopted terrorist is extremely proficient in hand-to-hand combat and

can extinguish human life with such simple items as a pencil or nail
clippers. We advise that you do not ask him to demonstrate these skills
at your
next yoga group. He is also expert at making a wide variety of
explosive
devices from common household products, so you may wish to keep those
items
locked up, unless (in your opinion) this might offend him.

Ahmed will not wish to interact with you or your daughters (except
sexually) since he views females as a subhuman form of property. This is
a
particularly sensitive subject for him and he has been known to show
violent
tendencies around women who fail to comply with the new dress code that he
will
recommend for you as more appropriate attire. Over time, I'm sure you
will
come to enjoy the anonymity offered by the burka. Just remember that it is

all part of 'respecting his culture and religious beliefs' as described
in
your letter.
Thanks again for your concern. We truly appreciate it when folks like
you keep us informed of the proper way to do our job and care for our
fellow
man.

You take good care of Ahmed and remember, we'll be watching.

Good luck and God bless you.


Cordially,
Gordon O'Connor
Minister of National Defense