Office Xmas party in today's world

[Big N' Blue]

Subject: FW: OFFICE XMAS PARTY

>
> Company Memo
>
> FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
>
> TO: All Employees
>
> DATE: November 1, 2012
>
> RE: Gala Christmas Party
>
> I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take
> place on December 23rd, starting at noon in the private function room
> at the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks!
> We'll have a small band playing traditional carols... feel free to
> sing along. And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as
> Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00 PM. Exchanges of
> gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift
> should be over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's
> pockets. This gathering is only for employees!
>
> Our CEO will make a special announcement at that time!
>
> Merry Christmas to you and your family,
>
> Patty
>
>
> ----------------------------------------------------------
>
> Company Memo
>
> FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
>
> TO: All Employees
>
> DATE: November 2, 2012
>
> RE: Gala Holiday Party
>
> In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish
> employees. We recognize that Hanukkah is an important holiday, which
> often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year.
> However, from now on, we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same
> policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians and to
> those still celebrating Reconciliation Day. There will be no
> Christmas tree and no Christmas carols will be sung. We will have
> other types of music for your enjoyment.
>
> Happy now?
>
> Happy Holidays to you and your family,
>
> Patty
>
>
>
>
>
> ----------------------------------------------------------
>
> Company Memo
>
> FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
>
> TO: All Employees
>
> DATE: November 3, 2012
>
> RE: Holiday Party
>
> Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous
> requesting a non-drinking table, you didn't sign your name.. I'm
> happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that
> reads, "AA Only", you wouldn't be anonymous anymore. How am I
> supposed to handle this?
>
> Somebody?
>
> And sorry, but forget about the gift exchange, no gifts are allowed
> since the union members feel that $10.00 is too much money and the
> executives believe $10.00 is a little chintzy.
> REMEMBER: NO GIFTS EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.
>
>
>
>
>
> ----------------------------------------------------------
> Company Memo
>
> FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
>
> To: All Employees
>
> DATE: November 4, 2012
>
> RE: Generic Holiday Party
> What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20th begins
> the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking
> during daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can
> appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate
> our Muslim employees' beliefs. Perhaps the Grill House can hold off
> on serving your meal until the end of the party or else package
> everything for you to take it home in little foil doggy baggy. Will
> that work?
>
> Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit
> farthest from the dessert buffet, and pregnant women will get the
> table closest to the restrooms.
>
> Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit
> with Gay men, each group will have their own table.
>
> Yes, there will be flower arrangement for the Gay men's table.
>
> To the person asking permission to cross dress, the Grill House asks
> that no cross-dressing be allowed, apparently because of concerns
> about confusion in the restrooms. Sorry.
>
> We will have booster seats for short people.
>
> Low-fat food will be available for those on a diet.
>
> I am sorry to report that we cannot control the amount of salt used in
> the food . The Grill House suggests that people with high blood
> pressure taste a bite first.
>
> There will be fresh "low sugar" fruits as dessert for diabetics, but
> the restaurant cannot supply "no sugar" desserts. Sorry!
>
> Did I miss anything?!?!?
>
> Patty
>
>
> ----------------------------------------------------------
>
> Company Memo
>
> FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
>
> TO: All F*%^ing Employees
>
> DATE: November 5, 2012
>
> RE: The F*%^ing Holiday Party
>
> I've had it with you vegetarian pricks!!! We're going to keep this
> party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit
> quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death," as you so
> quaintly put it, and you'll get your f*%^ing salad bar, including
> organic tomatoes. But you know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They
> scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them
> scream right NOW!
>
> The rest of you f*%^ing weirdos can kiss my *ss. I hope you all have
> a rotten holiday!
>
> Drive drunk and die,
>
> The B*tch from H*ll!!!