IRS genie

[Big N' Blue]

A somewhat modern day cowboy has spent many days crossing the
Dakota prairie without water. His horse had already died of thirst.
He's crawling along the dusty ground, certain that he has breathed
his last breath, when all of a sudden he sees an object sticking out of
the ground several yards ahead of him. He crawls to the object, pulls
it out of the ground and discovers what looks to be an old briefcase.
He opens it and out pops a genie.

But this is no ordinary genie. She is wearing an IRS ID badge and a
dull gray dress. There's a calculator in her pocketbook. She has a pencil
tucked behind one ear. 'Well, cowboy,' says the IRS genie, 'You know
how I work....you have three wishes.' 'I'm not falling for this,' said the
wise cowboy, 'I'm not going to trust an IRS genie.'

'What do you have to lose partner? You've got no transportation,
and it looks like you're a goner anyway!'

The puzzled cowboy thinks about this for a minute and decides that
the genie is right. 'OK! I wish I were alongside a lush spring with plenty
of food and drink.' ***POOF*** The cowboy finds himself beside the
most beautiful spring he has ever seen, and he's surrounded with jugs of
wine and platters of delicacies.
'OK, cowpoke, what's your second wish?'
'My second wish is that I am rich...rich beyond my wildest dreams.'
***POOF*** The cowboy finds himself surrounded by treasure chests
filled with rare gold coins and precious gems. 'OK, cowpuncher, you have
just one more wish. Better make it a good one!' After thinking for a few
minutes, the cowboy says, 'I wish that no matter where I go, young beautiful
women will want and need me.' ***POOF*** He was turned into a tampon.
Moral of the story:

If the U.S. government offers to help you,

there's going to be a string attached.