Headlines for January 20 2017

[Balsam]

1. President Donald Trump and Vice President Marco Rubio are sworn into office.

2. In a rare event on inauguration day, Congress convenes for an emergency meeting to repeal the illegal and unconstitutional Socialist healthcare farce known as Obamacare. The new Director of Health and Social Services Dr. Ben Carson announces that an independent group of healthcare management professionals is hired to handle healthcare services for poor and low income people. They are also assigned the duty of eliminating Medicare and Medicaid fraud. Government’s costs for public healthcare are reduced by 90%. Healthcare insurance premiums for working Americans are reduced by 50%. The move saves billions of taxpayer paid dollars. Healthcare service in the U.S improves 100%.

3. Newly appointed Department of Homeland Security Chief Ted Cruz announces the immediate deployment of troops to the U.S. Mexico border to control illegal immigration and the immediate deportation of illegals with criminal records or links to terrorist groups. New bio-encrypted Social Security IDs are required by every American citizen. Birthright is abolished. All immigration from countries that represent a threat to the safety of American citizens is terminated indefinitely. The move saves American taxpayers billions of dollars. Several prisons are closed.

4. Newly appointed Secretary of Business and Economic Development Carly Fiorina eliminates more than half of the Government agencies operating under the Obama administration saving taxpayers billions of dollars. Stocks rise 100%.

5. Newly appointed Director of Government Finance Rand Paul announces the abolition of the IRS and displays a copy of the new Federal Tax Return form. It consists of one page. The instructions consist of two pages. The Federal Reserve is audited. The move saves American Taxpayers billions of dollars and increases tax revenue.

6. Hillary Clinton is in prison, where she belongs. Her cell is directly across from Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton who are serving time for ‘Hate Crimes”. She bitches at them constantly from behind the bars of her cell in what some might call cruel and unusual punishment.

7. Bernie Sanders is in the nuthouse, where he belongs. His room is directly across from Nancy Pelosi, Debbie Wasserman Schultz, Chris Matthews and Al Franken. They meet for tea every day at 10 AM and discuss the success and benefits of Communism and Socialism throughout the world. They also wonder when the Mothership” is going to pick them up and return them to their home planets.

8. Windows 12 is released. It is designed for humans, doesn’t try to satisfy the needs of every person on the planet, doesn’t require a degree in nuclear physics to operate and looks just like Windows 7 except it is easier to use.

9. Barack Obama flees the United States under cover of darkness and returns to his homeland of Kenya before his trial for treason begins. He deplanes on a remote jungle airstrip. It was reported that he was last seen wandering through the jungle singing “Hakuna Matata” with a chimp named Commie.

10. Oscar Meyer announces the introduction of a new cholesterol and fat free pepperoni that tastes just like regular pepperoni.

11. Not to be outdone, Kraft Foods announces the introduction of several varieties of cholesterol and fat free cheeses that taste just like regular cheese.

12. A committee is not established to determine what is causing global cooling. Billions of taxpayer dollars are saved.

13. Dead people are no longer allowed to vote in Chicago, a huge blow for the Democrat Party in the State of Illinois.

[LBell]

And that sums up why I'll vote for the DON, timeline might be a bit off but all are very likely. America for Americans it will be nice to have again!

[Old dog]

if by "bio " you mean implanted,,id chips,,, no thanks. everything else looks awesome. jmo

[david]

Was reading this as I was listening to Obama slamming Trump in his state of the union adress. "Cognitive dissonance" to say the least.

Kind of off topic, so I apologize ahead of time:

I was surprised to see the "fat free" deception on this list. The whole fat free lie began by the government in the 50's and 60's is part Of the reason America is one of the most unhealthy populations. I think they meant well (hope so). It is worth studying what is known about fat these days. (Which is more consistent with what was always known about fat until we got so smart). It is a desirable thing in the Bible. (Fyi, the solids in your brain are mostly fat.)

[i am no expert, but those who are say: for thousands if years humans got moSt of their "energy" from fat. Then came processed sugar etc.which led to the "fat free" revolution when we switched over to getting most of our energy from carbs. We are chronically ill because of it]

[fallriverwalker1]

darn skip it would be you that's worried about an implant

[Big N' Blue]

darn skip it would be you that's worried about an implant

Skip needs an implant so he can find himself!!! LOL